


I thought you were dead

by Crimsonchords



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 20:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17210636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimsonchords/pseuds/Crimsonchords
Summary: A killugon drabble prompt I wrote on tumblr many many moons ago.





	I thought you were dead

Killua was sure of it - that he was watching Gon being torn away from him and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to stop the awful scene unfolding right in front of his eyes. 

Death’s icy waves were eroding the proverbial cliff that Gon stood atop of, the enhancer’s own morbid curiosity making him lean forward and take a little peak as it always did. In the hunter exam, Greed Island…there were plentiful times Killua had watched Gon lean over life’s edge and contemplate jumping, lord knows he’s do it in a heartbeat for a friend.

Killua had been confident that he’d been the one to keep pulling Gon away from that crumbling cliff though. He was the one to mend the wounds, to ghost his lips over a dirty brow when Gon was too lost in unconsciousness or sleep to notice it. Killua was always there, making sure Gon was safe.

It was just the once, but he hadn’t made it in time and once was all it took. Gon hadn’t just fallen off the edge; he’d taken a running jump fueled by the darkest depths of his own rage and hatred. Later Killua would ponder on how Gon would’ve reacted if he’d been the one caught in Pitou’s firing line instead of Kite. A stupid, almost self-indulgent thought.

Killua heard screaming, only recognizing it as his own because his throat was so hoarse. He felt wet on his face, then the burning heat of Gon’s power. It was suffocating…

As Gon spent the days withered in that isolated hospital bed Killua kept thinking of that dark cliff top, those icy waves. He looked back at Gon’s body, it didn’t move, his chest didn’t heave up and down with oxygen. Was he already gone? Washed away from life’s shore?

In that moment Killua had convinced himself that Gon was dead, it was only a split second but it was possibly once of the most painful things Killua had endured. A lifetime of being tortured was blissful compared to that second or sheer, uncompromising fear. He’d never felt so weak before and he was damned sure no one else had ever seen him in such a state, it had only taken a moment of thinking Gon was dead for his hands to shake, his breath to stagger and his complexion to gleam with a sickly, waxy shine.

Killua would never ever be able to tell Alluka and Nanika just how thankful he was to them, it would never be enough. He’d wanted Gon back so badly, he missed the warmth of his eyes, his smile, his sun kissed skin and the roughness of his calloused hands as they dragged Killua into all of his adventures. Killua needed that back, and yet…he couldn’t bare to be there when Gon awoke.

What could he possibly say that would convey everything he felt that he needed to tell Gon since then? Killua was angry about his recklessness, scared of losing him, confused about just how deeply he cared for him. There was too much to say and Killua didn’t have the life experience or vocabulary to really share it.

When he finally saw Gon the feelings all came at once, crushing him. There was still so much to say and yet none of sprang to mind. Should he tell Gon he loved him? Should he tell Gon everything he’d been through just to see him smile again? Should he tell Gon how angry he was? In the end Killua couldn’t do it, but he would allow the other boy one privilege that was for his ears only. 

Killua decided then that he would share with Gon his most vulnerable experience in his whole ordeal in the most simple of ways.

“….I thought you were dead.”

He waits with bated breath for Gon’s reaction, his eyes widen but its not enough to take in the pure expression on Gon’s face.

Finally Killua sees, the very reason he’s been through hell and back is shining in Gon’s eyes and he finally knows in the very depth of his being that Gon is alive. More than that; he’s reborn.  

And in some inexplicable way, Killua is too. 


End file.
